Avoid This All Too Common Divorce Mistake

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Divorce affects every aspect of a person’s life—the things that we hold most dear to us:  family, financial security, and expectations and dreams about our future.  All that is tossed around and disassembled during divorce.  How do you stay on course when everything you know, depended on, relied on and loved, is in flux?   How do you go about your daily life while experiencing all the mixed emotions and feelings that divorce brings: betrayal, guilt, anger, fear, sadness and conflict?

As a divorce attorney with a social work background, I understand why and how divorce can be so emotionally challenging.  I also know that for so many clients, it feels natural and comfortable to use their divorce attorney as their “quasi” therapist, their “rock” of their savior.  Here’s my advice, don’t do that!  We don’t want you to find out the hard way just how unproductive and wasteful it is to use your attorney as your therapist.  Think about it this way: you wouldn’t go to your therapist for legal advice, would you?

A lawyer’s job is to get you the best outcome possible in your divorce.  That’s not to say that s/he should be uninterested in you as a person or disregard how you’re feeling. You want a lawyer who is empathetic and who cares about you and your family.  However, you don’t want to use your lawyer’s expensive hourly rate to talk about emotional stuff when that lawyer is not trained in helping you work through your emotions, a therapist is.

That is precisely why during my consultation with a client, I so often ask “do you have a therapist? If not, I suggest you think about getting one.” The reason for my suggestion is that during divorce, you may need tools and resources to navigate the often challenging emotional terrain of divorce.  A therapist is specially trained and equipped to give you those.  As lawyers, our job is to help you navigate the legal system to get you the best results possible with regard to your children, finances, and property.  Try not to confuse the two, it will save you a lot of time and money.

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